It’s very hard for an Alexander Technique teacher to admit to ill health or injury. However, it’s often the reason why we trained as teachers. We know what it’s like to feel ill or broken, and we can use that experience in our teaching. 

So here I am writing a very honest account of my recent experience. 

Nearly four weeks ago I started a bout of shingles. Shingles is a surprising ailment. Well, it is to me. Apparently it is triggered by stress. I didn’t even know I was stressed. I was taking a year off, for goodness’ sake!

For a few days, I had had a sore spot in my left breast, going into my armpit. Of course, my first worry was cancer, but Dr Google told me that pain is often the last symptom of breast cancer. Next, I thought, well I am on HRT patches which have been somewhat miraculous in allieviating the more suicidal nature of my perimenopause. Could it be that I am expecting one of my more rare periods?

One day, the pain just wouldn’t go. And I felt really wonky. Oh, and look, there’s a little round rash, one above my breast and one under my armpit. So, I call 111 and they direct me to the nearest doctor. He nods politely until I say "rash" and then, with a nurse to chaperone because I am topless, he looks at the rashes and says "Oh yes, shingles." He gives me a prescription for Aciclovir, more commonly known as Zovirax, the stuff you take for herpes cold sores, and one for Amitriplylene, an anti-depressant that’s also good for nerve pain. 

Off I trot, and work through five pills a day for the next seven days. These buggers work. The rash does spread, but it’s nowhere near the horrors that Dr Google has shown me. Apparently it’s best caught within three days of appearing.

I don’t feel too bad. I even do some work. I got this, I think. I’m superwoman. It won’t get too bad. 

Until I finish the packet of Aciclovir and go flop in bed for about a week. Sometimes I get up and pretend that nothing is wrong, and other days I just give in and spend the entire day in bed playing games on my phone and sleeping. I’m blessed with a supportive partner. Then the pain really started. Stabbing in the armpit, sore boob, and a general feeling of being sandpapered. I went back to the pharmacist and she was sympathetic but let me have some codeine. Pain really is exhausting.

The thing is, I am not good at being ill. Just like I hate it when the weather threatens my plans, I hate it when something like a little rash stops me doing what I need to do. We’ve already been delayed this year when my partner had to have emergency surgery for a detatched retina. Now this. I do not want to give in, but partner and mother tell me I must. 

Shingles fascinates the AT teacher part of me. I had chickenpox when I was about three. After you have chickenpox, the virus retreats and takes up residence in a little junction box in your spine. The spine is like a central phone exchange. Nerves go up and down to your brain, and out to the various parts of your body. There is a map of what are called the dermatomes (that would be a great name for a band). Each little junction serves a specific part of the body. And so when the virus is reactivated, it spreads out along whatever part of the body is served by the little junction it was living in. It quite often shows up along the path of a rib. And the name ‘shingles’ comes from the latin for ‘belt’, because it looks like a belt. It only ever activates on one side of the body. Apparently.

So the interesting part is that for me, it was clear where the virus was living, because the pain was across the top of my left boob, into the armpit, round my shoulder blade, and all down my arm. If you look at a dermatome map you can see the path. 

I tried keeping my directions in mind. This would counteract the clenching that happened against the pain. It was very hard because I wasn’t used to pain. I could see how someone with nerve damage, for whom the pain was chronic, could easily become clenched and angry because of it.

The upshot is, that while Alexander Technique can help all sorts of things in oneself, it’s not a cure-all. It has probably helped me to remember that letting go and releasing helps allievieate pain. That pain is temporary, subjective. 

Two weeks pass, and here I am now. It’s been nearly four weeks since the diagnosis. I’ve had a few days where I’ve take things step by step. If I needed to work from bed I did. Suddenly I’d find myself doing one little chore and then doing a whole lot more, and then stopping. Tomorrow I have some AT lessons to give. Two in-person and two online introductory chats. I feel like they’ll help me recover, because in giving the lesson I am working on myself. 

Illness teaches you to be patient. I’m very grateful that I didn’t have a load of gigs lined up because nothing short of amputation would stop me doing them. I had no choice but to give in to pain and boredom. And if stress does in fact cause shingles then it’s especially important to pay attention to yourself. 

However, if you’re being offered the shingles vaccine, take it. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone!