We sing for different reasons.
To express ourselves, whether singing our own songs or those of someone else. It's good for the soul, so we sing for ourselves, for others, for joy, for pain. We use our own voice. To me this is the most important reason to sing.
We sing to play a role. If we sing in a covers band, a broadway show, an opera, a choir, we're more likely to perform in a manner which is expected for the situation. If you're playing Carole King in the 'Beautiful' show, you have to sound a bit like Carole King. If you're playing Joseph in 'The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat', you have to sing in a style which is expected in a musical theatre production.
There are blends of these.
If you are a singer-songwriter, you can sing in your own unique way. Think of all the distinctive voices: Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Nick Drake, Tom Waits, Carole King. Their voices are instantly recognisable. They sing to express the persona they want to portray, and they've developed their own style.
If you only sing for yourself, to friends and family, you can be content with your own voice. It doesn't matter, you're singing for pleasure.
To me, the most engaging singers have their own distinctive style and have a robust technique to support it. They can sing in any size venue, with microphone or without, depending on circumstances, and they are true to themselves. Any sign of vocal quirks that seem 'learned' or 'affected' put me right off. All I can hear then is the quirks and the techniques, without the passion or the meaning behind the performance.
If you start singing for strangers, for money, to get noticed, to develop a career, you have to take that voice of yours and make it perform. Some can get away with a small voice, but as their career develops and they sing on bigger stages and more demanding schedules, a lack of good technique will soon take its toll. Some of the modern popular singers – Adele, Sam Smith, The Weeknd – have had concerts suffer because of vocal problems not addressed from the start.
To truly develop your own style, you have to go back to basics.
First, your 'use' must be free. Use is how you hold yourself, and you need to be free of excess tension. You may be doing things that you're unaware of, like throwing your head back, locking your knees, holding your elbows in, gasping for air. All these things primarily cause your voice to be restricted. And over time, they can cause serious vocal injuries such as nodules and tears on the vocal cords. You may be able to get away with bad use for a while but it won't last!
A process of attention to yourself and your habits takes time but is well worth it. An Alexander Technique teacher can help you spot what you're doing and help you to do things differently.
Once you've attended to and changed any bad habits, your voice will sound more free and you'll be able to sing with more confidence. Nothing is getting in the way of the passage of air from your lungs to your vocal cords and out of your mouth. We're all built differently, and this is what makes us sound different. This is to be celebrated!
Recording yourself over time is an excellent way to progress. We cannot know what we sound like to other people because we're hearing our voices through the bones and other stuff in our heads. The first time we hear ourselves on a recording is often a shock! We'll sound less resonant than we do to ourselves because the recording is only what comes out of us, whereas when we talk or sing we hear the whole production line.
When we used to record beginners in the studio - children and adults of all shapes, sizes and abilities - they were often surprised. They sounded different to how they expected, for better or worse. If better, they thought we'd hit some magic studio button to improve them.
While commercial recordings, especially modern ones, are usually plastered in effects, at the recording stage the first thing you might hear is your voice straight through the microphone and out of the speakers. The microphone and the speakers, and the gubbins in between, will affect the sound, but in a studio it's a pretty reliable representation.
All that stuff that gets put on for a commercial recording takes time, and we didn't have much of that!
So anyway, start recording yourself, singing and speaking. Your phone will do. Listen back through headphones. Try silly voices, try sounding like your favourite singers. Have fun, make yourself laugh, and don't worry about how you sound. Just get used to it. As you progress, compare back to those early recordings.
And, this is important: learn to love your voice. Don't change it, but learn to love it as it is and as it develops, without any deliberate changes.
I'd love to help you with your voice. You can come and see me in person or online, and we can work together on finding and developing your true voice.